Thanks for the compliment!

The other day, I posed for a picture with a Japanese coworker and a client. Afterward, I heard them chirping excitedly and my name mentioned more than a few times. Curious, I went to the front office, and the staff looked at me and said, in breathless excitement, ”In this picture, you look just like Britney Spears!!”

I could do nothing but pause (not trusting what words would come out of my mouth), and then one of them said, “No, I like Britney! It`s good!”. I was simply dumbstruck,  but happily abided by the Japanese custom of vehemently refusing anythign that resembles a compliment, but, to be honest, the real reason I was left speechless was the fact that Britney is pretty much the only celebrity I am ever compared to. 

Now, I know that the Japanese are famous for comparing foreigners to celebrities arbitrarily. Sometimes I can understand the logic– my friend Brad always gets…wait for it….Brad Pitt, and black men are usually compared to Bobby or Billy, but with women, there is more precision–I am sure of it. My friend always gets compared to Angelina Jolie, while another uniformly gets Cameron Diaz, and  lucky me? Overwhelmingly Britney Spears. I suppose it could be worse, but it is definitely a back-handed compliment. Now, I know that her image in Japan is a bit glossed over, but still, most people are aware that 2008 Britney is just a tad different from the Britney of 2000. At any rate, it doesn`t feel good. However, at the same time, I have to admit: it`s pretty darn amusing.

Now, the truth is, if you want to survive as a foreign women in Japan, you will need to thicken your skin and be prepared for some strange comments. Of course, you will be showered with compliments, as is the practice upon meeting a stranger for the first time, telling you how beautiful or cute you are, but to balance out the excessive flattery, there will assuredly be some comments that you aren`t too keen on.

For example, I am unable to tan (my skin burns, peels, and goes back to white), which is of course a source of low self esteem for me as I can never pull off sleeveless shirts without blinding people, but in Japan, where `beautiful white skin` is king, you will be complimented on your paleness! In addition, the typical Western nose is `high`, and for some lucky individuals, `big`! The Japanese  do mean it nicely, as telling someone their nose is small is essentially an insult, but it`s not what a girl wants to hear. Also, in Japan, round faces aren`t considered beautiful, and many girls are obsessed with having a `small face`–which officially counts as the strangest pick up line I have ever received, as I still don`t know what that means.

In terms of figure, you`ll probably hear the word `glama` which does not mean `glamorous` equals `curvy`, which is just as loaded in Japan as it is in Western countries. Yet, in Japan they don`t think it`s such a terrible offense  to discuss one other`s weight, including if you put some on or could stand to go on the latest diet. I also discovered that for Japanese, any extra fat pretty much qualifies you as fat, so most non-slender foreigners are, at the least, `pochari`, which translates to `chubby` and isn`t that bad of a thing in Japanese society, (some guys think it is very cute), but, of course, this notion gets lost in translation, as its most common rendering is `a little fat`.

My favorite incident regarding weight was when a friend of mine, with whom I was discussing the benefits of not drinking beer so I don`t gain weight, suddenly turned to my date, and said,  in English,“Well since Floral has a pretty face, it`s okay that she`s fat, right?”.  He, who wasn`t paying attention to what we were talking about, got the the funniest deer-in-the-headlights/I- can`t-win-either-way look on his face and merely stuttered a noncommital response, while I was trying to not to hurt my well-meaning friend`s feelings by laughing at her.

Finally, a jarring comment you WILL HEAR, and probably more than once, will be about age.  This is what usually happens: you tell them your age and they invariably gasp with surprise and then say, “Japanese look young”, which of course makes you feel fabulous and spritely inside.  Personally, I can place Japanese age within 2 years like with Westerners, but they just can`t do the same with us, for whatever reason (my personal theory is that Western try to appear mature, whereas Japanese try to seem youthful).

Anyway, one day I was talking with an artist friend, who drew a series of calendars featuring Chinese zodiac animals. He subsequently asked about my Chinese zodiac animal and I told him I was a boar (1983). Then,  he closed his eyes, did the necessary calculations, and finally said, “Ahh, so you are 36.” “Um,” I said awkwardly. “I`m actually, the next cycle, 12 years later” He then stared at me, dumbfounded, and finally exclaimed, “24? WOW! You are so young! I am sorry, but, you see, Japanese look young”. However, he did give me the boar calendar, so I couldn`t bring myself to bear any ill will against him.

Ultimately, all I can say is that the physical comments are just one of those unique aspects of living in a very very foreign country that you will have to learn how to take for granted. The perk is, over here, that sweet compliments will far outweigh the strange ones , and, if you think about, the latter, after all, do make good anecdotes for later.  

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